


Until Dawn

by hidden_ziall



Series: The Larry Stylinson Trilogy [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Boys Kissing, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff and Angst, I Love You, M/M, Making Out, Sad, Secret Relationship, Sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-13
Updated: 2013-10-13
Packaged: 2017-12-29 07:52:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1002865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hidden_ziall/pseuds/hidden_ziall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>{B o o k o n e} </p><p>“What happens, when every hope between us dies?”, I ask him.<br/>He frowns. “This won’t happen.” His arms wrapping around my fragile body.<br/>“I won’t let anyone tear us apart. I love you.” </p><p>You’re a Liar, Harry, you’re a Liar.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Love.

**Author's Note:**

> Uh, hey? Yeah, hello. Ugh, awkwardness. Anyways. This is my first story & if you didn't already see it, it's Larry Stylinson. And some Ziall but psshh. And this story is also posted on my account on Wattpad so, yeah. And I'm new here..and..I don't really know what to write in here, so yeah. Enjoy, I guess?x

**_ ᴄнαρтєя 1: ℓσνє _ **

 

“What is going on, Lou?”, I hear Niall ask. “I don’t know.” Warm arms are embracing me, holding tightly. It feels wrong, not like the feeling I’m used to, not the feeling I get when _he_ is hugging me. “Never mind, Niall..”, I try to say, pulling back from the hug. “I may not be Harry, but I still notice when something’s up.” Nervously, I bite my lower lip. Shall I tell him? Will he understand? Will he understand what happened? “Tell me, what is up, Lou.”, he says, his voice serious, looking at me. I shake my head, carefully. I can’t tell him. I just _can’t._ Niall’s head tilts, his eyes watching me instantly. “Okay...”, he mumbles and walks in front of the door. He stops for a moment. “You can talk to me, ya’ know.” I nod, not looking up, and Niall dissappears into his room.

It has never been easy, both of us knew it but still, we agreed to give us a chance. Maybe it was wrong. At the beginning everything was easy, no one asked us, because everything was just like before. Except of the secret love we had for each other. Yeah, _had._ Now, I’m not even sure anymore if this love is returning. I may am in love, and I know there’s some kind of love he _is_ returning, but I’m also sure, it’s not the same love. Not anymore. What happened between us? I guess it’s funny, from there where _Harry_ is standing. But from over here, I missed the joke. I’d be less angry, if I only could. I don’t know what happens to me, what happened to us. He said, he loves me and he would never let me go. I miss the feeling of his hands around my body, him closer than I ever thought someone could be. It felt like another world, because here, where we are now, everything we do is wrong. Every single touch we do, is wrong. Not for us, but for _them_. For the world. Is it wrong to fall in love with your best mate? Or rather, is it wrong to fall in love with a guy? It has been two years since I started to have feeling for him, and I never regret it. It’s just...I miss him. Him and the closeness we had.

My eyes fall over the sunset. Slight light pierce through the stained windows of the Hotel-Room, upon, meeting the beginning of my toes. A warm feeling flows over my body and heavy steps are soaking in, in my head. I’m still sitting on the cold floor, trying to ignore the fact, that the steps are becoming louder and coming closer.

“Boo...”, a low voice says and immediately my heartbeat quickens. I don’t even dare to look at him, just a glance at him will make the tears stream out of me like a fountain. A warm and big hand lays on my right shoulder, squeezing it lightly. My head turns, facing Harry, involuntarily. “Why are you sitting on the floor?” “You mean on the cold, hard floor?”, I joke, trying to hide the sadness in my voice. A chuckle escapes his mouth and he puts an arm around me, pulling me closer, not leaving a gap between us. “C’mon, Lou, sit on the bed with me.” “But I don’t want to sit on the bed.”, I mumble. “Okay, then I will have to do this.” My head jerks up, looking at the curly-haired boy. Harry stands up and takes a hold under my knees. He’s not going to? No way! The younger lad lifts me up in a quick movement, my hands are grabbing around his neck for comfort and I lay my head on his shoulder.

We’re just making the same mistakes, all over again. Why _are_ we making them? Why did we even fall in love? Or should I say, why did  _I_ fall in love? I can’t help this comforting feeling when I’m around him, this feeling of love and happiness but at the same moment there’s sadness too. Is it so wrong to love someone, or is it just wrong to love a boy when, actually, everyone expects you to love a girl?

A soft touch appears around my back when Harry lays me onto the bed. Immediately, I welter onto my stomach, burying my face deep into the pillows. “Stop that, Louis.”, the younger boy says, but I’m not going to give in, not again. If he’s searching for someone’s heart to break, he must keep searching, because I won’t let that be myself. But even _I_ know, I can’t spend my whole life, hiding my heart away. “Louis...”, he mumbles. “I’m tired.”, I reply and a strong arm comes around my body, pushing me to his chest. If I won’t talk to him now, I will never do it.

“Haz’....”, I start and a short moment of surprise flickers across Harry’s face. I turn my face around, looking in his eyes -those unique, green, catlike eyes- , still laying on my stomach.

“What is love?”, I ask, my voice sounds clearly. Harry looks up and down my body. A chuckle comes out of my mouth, of course he’s not answering my question. He’s obviously afraid to say something wrong, but not saying anything is also wrong. Tears are appearing in my eyes. C’mon, why now? I shut my eyes, trying to focus on not crying. There are soft strokes over my back, making me get goosebumps all over my body. Harry’s hand slips under my shirt, making circles all over my spine. Soft fingers, writing words, travelling here and there.

“I love you...”, my voice breaks, realizing what he just wrote. “Yes. And this?”, he asks in his incredible accent, writing again. He sends shivers down my spine, his touch like a butterfly, flying over my back. “Forever.”, I guess, feeling his hot breath on my cheek and opening my eyes. He puts a light kiss on it, so gently like I’m a piece of glass, like I could break with one touch. So softly....

“I love you too.”, I whisper, looking at the headboard, hoping he don’t hear it. Harry lets out a sigh, his lips travelling fom my cheek to my neck. Feeling his kisses - it’s making me feel _lost._ At times like this, when I’m with him, I feel every emotion at once. Love, Hate, Happiness, _Pain._  

“Kiss me, please.”, he whispers, coming up from my neck. I look at him, big, green eyes are looking straight into my own one. I’m lost every time he looks at me like this, and he knows that. _He likes_ that _._ Painfully slow, he mets my lips with his. My veins, my stomach, my chest is burning; I can’t think straight. Licking my bottom lip, I allow his tongue to dance along with mine. It’s rough, yet so sweet. Even I know he will win, I fight for dominance. Afterwards, he always wins, and now- he wins. Harry’s body is moving against mine in harmony, as I lay on my back, he hovering over me. Sometimes, I just miss him and even rarer, sometimes we miss each other. We just need to feel, to touch, to kiss.

Breathless we pull away, I feel his body fall on the pillow next to me, trying to catch his breath. “Write love.”, I say and lay again on my stomach. The feeling of his cold fingers makes me shiver.

And there it is, invisible, soft.

_Love.  
_


	2. Fairy Tale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How beautiful would it be if I could just show how badly I love this boy. But either way, it doesn’t matter, because Harry doesn’t love me. I wonder if he ever did....  
> There’s a knock on the door, ripping me out of my thoughts. “Can I come in?”, the voice behind it asks. Immediately, I recognize Niall and huff, telling him he is allowed to.  
> “So..what’s up?”, he smiles. I force a smile at him, probably looking like a grimace, “Nothing, just hanging out here.” I’m about to ask him why he’s here but, he cuts me off, “Why aren’t you with Harry?”  
> “Dunno...”, I murmur and look everywhere but him. He seems to notice and glances at me. “Well, fine.”, he finally says and I try not to release the breath I was holding. “How are you, by the way?” Why is he asking that? “Erm, fine, I guess. Why’re you asking?”, I mumble. “You don’t seem like that.” I look at him in a swift motion, my body reacting immediately, standing up from my spot and running to the closed door. I know how this will end and I don’t plan to let that happen.
> 
> “I know you love him.”
> 
> My heart makes a skip and the world around me seems to become blurry. Did he just....? Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! I decided on updating it all at once. But in chapters. And yeah, tell me if you liked it, maybe? Yeah? Maybe? No? Okay, whatever. This is sad. Just so you know. x

_**ᴄнαρтєя 2: fαιяу тαℓє** _

__

 

“So, did you all sleep well?”, Liam asks as we all are sitting on the much too kitchy table, down at the Hotel’s restaurant. “Yeah..”., Zayn mumbles and Niall yawns in agreement. Harry nods and looks at me instantly. To be honest, I didn’t sleep well. I was tossing and turning in my bed, since I realised Harry had gone to his own room. I missed him, his touch wasn’t there, even though I needed it. But when I’m looking at him now; at him and the boys, I feel sad that we never told them about us. We said, as long as we’re not sure if this is going to work out, we will keep it as a secret.

Suddenly, a hand appears infront of me, waving and nearly slapping me. “Louis?”, someone says and I shake my head, trying to clear my vision. “Huh?”, I mumble and finally recognize that it’s Niall’s hand making weird moves right next to his face. “What were you thinking about?”, the younger boy asks.  
 _Oh, you know, what I’m always thinking about; me and Harry of course...  
_ But, of course, I can’t say this. I let myself look at Harry, sitting in front of me, showing not any emotion; only his clenching fists are kinda telling me that he’s not happy at all. Well, I’m not either.  
I chuckle a bit, trying to put on a fake-smile, “The concert tomorrow, I’m quite nervous.” “You and nervous? You never are!”, Liam laughs from across the table. Slowly, my eyes fall onto the brown-haired lad. He’s sitting next to Zayn and right now he frowns lightly at me. It’s funny because he tries to be funny and it’s nice of him, at least _someone_ is trying to be normal.  
“Yeah...”, I mumble, looking at the curly-haired boy again and a slight bit of jealousy hits me when I notice that Zayn is sitting next to him; much too close.

“Lou!”, Niall yells and once again I’m shaking my head, “You’re drifting off again! What’s happening with you lately?” Quietly, I shrug and bite the corner of my lips. To be honest, I don’t even know what’s up with me. Everything I do feels wrong; no matter what I think about, it always feels wrong. And then again....maybe they _are_ right, maybe it’s all wrong what I do. Modest is controlling our lifes since I can remember and I’m so fed up with all of that! I just want to be happy again! Is it too much to wish for?  
Again my eyes are drifting to the curls of my lover, or well, he _used_ to be that. I don’t want him to play with me, even I know I _let_ him play with me like a ball; but... my heart is no playground.  
But when I remember yesterday night...oh god. Harry is always like that; trying to make up with kissing me and making me feel 'good’ but, he doesn’t seem to notice that he isn’t making up with me that way. He only makes it harder.

• • •

How beautiful would it be if I could just show how badly I love this boy. But either way, it doesn’t matter, because _Harry_ doesn’t love me. I wonder if he ever did....  
There’s a knock on the door, ripping me out of my thoughts. “Can I come in?”, the voice behind it asks. Immediately, I recognize Niall and huff, telling him he is allowed to.  
The younger lad walks in, carefully and sits beside my laying body. “So..what’s up?”, he smiles. I force a smile at him, probably looking like a grimace, “Nothing, just hanging out here.” I’m about to ask him why he’s here but, he cuts me off, “Why aren’t you with Harry?” I hold back a few coughs when I realize what just came out of the irish’s mouth.   
“Dunno...”, I murmur and look everywhere but him. He seems to notice and glances at me. “Well, fine.”, he finally says and I try not to release the breath I was holding. “How are you, by the way?” Frowning, I look at him. Why is he asking that? “Erm, fine, I guess. Why’re you asking?”, I mumble. “You don’t seem like that.” I look at him in a swift motion, my body reacting immediately, standing up from my spot and running to the closen door. I know how this will end and I don’t plan to let that happen.

“I know you love him.”

My heart makes a skip and the world around me seems to become blurry. Did he just....? _Fuck._

“I know it. Did you think you can hide it? Well, obviously you didn’t do a good job, 'cause I noticed.”, he says, his voice as serious as it ever could be. Mine instead got lost the second he said the... _L-Word_.  
Ever so slowly, I turn around, still not facing him, but his feet. “C’mon, Lou. I know you much too well to not notice.”, he chuckles. Sweet, little Niall; always trying to turn things good.  
“And the others?”, I ask, wondering how I found my voice. “I don’t think they know it. Well, I wasn’t sure either.” I bite my lip. _Well done, Louis, now he knows it._ I could punch myself in the face right now. “Sit down.”, the blonde says, smiling lightly.  
 _One step after the other one..._  
I sit down on the bed and now it just isn’t that comfy anymore. “Let me alone.”, I suddenly split. I can see the surprise in his face and only glance at him. “Okay, I think the sass in you is getting the better of you.”, Niall mumbles and the slight anger in his voice is conspicuous. The younger boy stands up and walks to the open door. “Thank you, Niall, thanks for trying to help me.”, he mimics, “Is it so hard to say that?” A slight guilt finds its way to my face but, it’s too late to say something because Niall already walked out.

Great. Today I’m doing everything wrong.

My eyes start to flicker over the Hotel-Room until they stop at the window. The sun is shining right through the white curtains, which are hanging low onto the window. I don’t want to see the sun right now, she’s annoying.  
Well, I guess that's it. There’s no turning back, nothing that can stop this fucking, cruel world. And Harry? I guess he’s happy now; now that I stopped hoping. Is this what he wanted? Me, broken and totally exhausted? I can’t handle this. I have to talk to him, make clear that I need him; that I _love_ him more than anyone else.

I stand up, carefully like my courage could break into a million of pieces and never come back.

 

• • •

 

There’s light coming out of Harry’s room through the closen door. I gulp, am I really doing this? _Yes. I will do that now._ I have nothing to lose anymore.  
I’m about to just walk in but, then a question comes into my mind. Shall I knock? In the past I would just open the door and yell a happy 'Hazza’, but now...So much changed.....  
I force my hand in front of the door and knock two times, my breath is coming fitfully and tears are streaming into my eyes. _Calm down, Louis, it’s just Harry. You’re best fr--_

“Louis?”, Harry asks surprised. Instead of doing something, I’m just standing there, awkwardly. The boy next to me clears his throat, “Come in if you like...”  Why does he sound so cool saying this?  
He walks in and sits onto the bed, I do the same and let myself onto it too. His room is similar with mine; white curtains, two windows, a big bed and a quite small table in the middle of the room.  
“So...why are you here?”, Harry mumbles like he doesn’t like me being here. Well, I never liked his moods. “I wanted to talk to you.”, I reply, my voice shaking and the younger boy notices this. “Louis, are you okay?”, he suddenly says, coming closer and letting his arm lay around my shoulder. I can’t help the sobs that are coming out of my mouth. “Sshh..”, he whispers, “Boo, don’t cry.” A warm hand cups my left cheek and he’s looking straight into my eyes. Harry knows exactly what he’s doing, trying to make me fall into his arms. But this time I won’t let him do this with me. His lips are coming closer and I know, if I let him in now, I won’t be happy ever again.

“No, Harry.”, I mumble, pushing him away. “Why? Lou, I lo-”  
“No. You don’t.”, I interrupt him and his eyes widen. A few tears are coming out of the corner of my eyes and I can’t help but let them fall. “What do you mean? Of course I do!”, Harry says and frowns. Here’s where my monologue begins.

“Listen, Harry, I’ve been thinking a lot about us and what we had. We both knew it wouldn’t be easy, I guess, thats’ all we were sure about.”, more tears are rolling over my face and wipe them off, quickly. Be strong, Louis, just for now. Harry stares at me, not saying anything. “I wish, I’ve had known that before, ya’ know, known that I couldn’t give you what you want; what you deserve. And I’m sorry, really, am but, I realized that no one could ever make me feel like you do.” A loud sob finds its way between my lips, “Not only this but, I will never find a love that feels so real, so _true._ I thought we could go through everything; together. But I was wrong.” I stop for a few seconds, looking at the now frozen Harry next to me. “I’d give you everything...everything I had but, you keeped pushing me away. Coming back, whenever you felt lonely and trying to make me fall again, and you know what? You did good work, because I’m falling every day, more and more, and it doesn’t seem to stop soon. I’m confused, Harry, confused, because everything you do and everything _I_ do is wrong. But then again, you seem to like that effect you’re having on me. But-- fuck, it hurts me! In the past...” I have to stop, the tears are running down my cheeks like a waterfall and my voice is nearly not existant anymore but, I force myself to keep talking, “In the past, I was the one that was making you smile but yeah, like I said, that’s the past now and I guess we’re just not meant to be. In neither way; not friendly nor lovingly. Now, tell me, was it all worth it? At the beginning....we were so perfect and happy, you told me, I was the best that ever happened to you. Remember? Well, I do. But it doesn’t even matter, because you don’t love me anymore. And right now, I wonder if you ever did. I’m sorry if I wasn’t enough, if I wasn’t the one you deserve. But I fell in love, and my heart hurts every single time you play with it. Why can’t you just let me be happy for once? Please, Harry, I beg you, tell me the reason we became like this. We lost every connection we had, we lost our friendship, our hugs full of love. I miss the old Harry, that one I could talk to for hours and not feel guilty. Where are you Harry, where? I need you...I miss you...I ...” I can’t end the sentence, it’s too hard.

Harry is still frozen but, I could swear there’s something twinkling in his eyes.  
“I’m sorry. I can’t do this anymore.”, I sob, turning around and walking out of his room, letting him alone there. With no rush, I lay down on my bed and close my eyes.

That’s it, I guess.

There’s a beautiful vision coming into my mind, playing in front of my eyes.  
Harry. His dimples, and the shine in his green, perfect eyes.

I close my eyes harder. And I dream; dream about this unique boy that broke my heart. I’m dreaming my own little _Fairy Tale._


	3. Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once again, everything is silent and I wonder if it’s okay to snuggle into Zayn’s chest. But who cares? He’s my best friend...  
> Yawning one last time, I breath out and feel the other boy’s arms tightening around me.   
> The silence is somehow really beautiful. Only one thing is still clearly audible. The Rain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idek, man. This is chapter 3. There's gonna be a bit Ziall. And that's kinda sad. Yeah, I dunno. Enjoy!x

_**ᴄнαρтєя 3: яαιи** _

__

__

Time cannot erase. It won’t change a thing. Everything is messed up. I’m not even sure what exactly is going on right now. I’m here but, I’m not. I breath but, I don’t live. I’m watching but, not recognizing anything. Because everything is just a big lump of chaos, emotions and loneliness, I wish I could be able to describe what I’m feeling but, I’m kinda numb. I don’t feel a thing.

Since yesterday night, I stayed in my room, mentally bound on the bed. To be honest, I don’t have a clue if I did even sleep. Nobody cares about that, anyways. I guess, in only a few minutes, Liam will rush into my room, having a bitch about why I’m still not dressed, shouting at me and throwing some of my clothes out of my bag, telling me to be ready in a few. But for my surprise; he isn’t coming. Why  _isn’t_  he coming?

Hesitantly, I start to sit up, stretching myself a bit, causing my neck to crack. I blink a few times, yawn and look around. It’s really quiet. Even though my feet feel like there are numb, I stand up and walk in front of the door. 

Holding my ear against it, I try to hear _anything_. But still, there’s not even someone’s breathing (as if I could hear that). Sighing, I finally decide to just go look and with a loud squeak the door opens. I yawn one last time as I run my hand through my extremly messy hair, walking out of my room but, letting a small gap between the door and the frame. A few steps later, my feet barely leaving the ground, I hear someone choking. My eyes wide slightly and I walk in front of the door at the end of the corridor, the noises become louder and I start to tremble for whatever reason.

“Shh, it’s okay, Harry.”, I hear someone saying, it’s a low British accent, probably Liam. Again there’s loud gagging and whimpering. I frown, is Harry..?  

A few seconds later the disgusting noises are gone and slight cries are coming through the close wooden door. “Shall I call Louis to come?”, Liam asks and Harry replies with a sniff, “No..”  

My heart seems to make a break. He doesn’t want so see me, of course he doesn’t. I mean, why should he? I broke up with him just- yesterday? Yeah, yesterday. But still. It’s not like I have no feelings, it’s not like I broke up on purpose. I mean- I did. But I’ve never wanted to hurt him. He was hurting _me._

I suddenly feel a big lump in my throat. _Don’t think about that, Louis, stop thinking about Harry._  
But I can’t, I just can’t.  
Tears filling my eyes, I start walking back to my room. I groan; my head hurts like hell. Slightly shaking my head, I squeeze through the door, closing it behind me. Once again there’s choking, louder than before. Chills are flying over my body, I just can’t stand someone vomiting.  
But why is Harry even throwing up? He was all healthy yesterday, so what is going on now? Maybe...no. Never. Why should he be ill only because I broke up? He doesn’t love me anyway. But what if-  
Loud coughs and flushing are interrupting my thoughts as a few moments later I hear someone’s steps in the hallway. There’s knocking and finally I can hear someone opening their door.   
“Niall? You alright, mate?”, I recognize Zayn. “Can I come in? Harry is puking and I hate these kind of noises...”, someone -obviously Niall- replies. A few seconds later the other boy’s door closes and everything is silent again. Only a few raindrops are filling the room.

I’m not able to take that.

I feel my legs start to shake, slowly the world around me begins to spin and without even knowing I fall to the ground, groaning heavily. What is even wrong with me?   
Still shivering, I force myself up from the ground, taking three steps and letting myself fall onto the bed. I wish I could just lay here forever, my eyes close and my thoughts numb. But to my bad luck my phone vibrates and one ID is showing. One _fucking_ number that is the last one I want to see right now. Modest.   
Ignoring the vibration, I let the phone ring and close my eyes again. There’s nothing necessary right now. As the phone finally stops to vibrate I take it and slide to unlock it. Biting the corner of my lips I let my finger tap on my photos. Bad idea, I guess. A quick pain runs through my heart while I watch the pictures, most of them of Harry and me. But there’s one in perticular that breaks my heart. It’s actually quite old. A quick tear runs down my left cheek and I wipe it away with my thumb, awkwardly holding the phone in one hand. The hug we do in that picture just feels so real and I can’t stop smiling about how young and happy Harry looks. Never mind myself, because the hairstyle I had there was probably the worst I’ve ever had. I guess, it wasn’t a good idea to look through my pictures. I just can’t get over how happy we look there. Probably because we weren’t in love back then. But what can I do? It wasn’t my fault that I have fallen deeply in love with the younger boy! I regret it somehow. But- what am I even thinking? I could never regret-- _Harry._ He means far too much to me.   
More tears are falling, this time they land onto the phone’s screen, and my view becomes blurry. I guess, I’m too broken to move on now. It’s probably to early to say this but, how will I ever get over something like this? I’m so confused... I don’t even know if I’m into boys. Or girls. Or both? I mean, yes, sure, I love Harry but- does that mean I’m gay? But I’ve never fallen in love with a boy before! Ugh, I’m hopeless.

Sighing, I click the button to close the phone and lay it next to me. Maybe I should get out and look after Harry? But what if he doesn’t want to see me?

“Hell, Louis! Get out of this room or I will get you outta there by my own hand!”, someone yells from the other site of the door and I wince lightly. What the hell does Liam want now?! Standing up, annoyed, I walk over to the door and open it with a sqeak. Man, this door needs some oiling.   
“What is your problem, Liam?!”, I snap at the younger boy. Said boy looks at me sternly, his lips in a slight frown and his nostrils lightly bloated, which happens always when he’s mad. “Stop you’re attitude, I’m serious! We’re late!”, Liam replies, his voice still full of rage. “What are you even talking about? For fuck’s sake!”

“The concert, Louis, the concert!”

• • •

Great. Perfect. Wonderful. Amazing. Brilliant.

Bad. Exhausted. Tired. Sad. Depressed.

_I don’t know, Niall, I don’t know. How do I feel? Why don’t you guess?_

“I’m alright, bud’. What about you?”, I reply finally, with a lie obviously. “I’m fine..”, Niall seems to blush slightly and for a second I wonder why. Whatever. “Uh, Niall?” “Yeah?” “Are you mad at me because I was..well, bitchy yesterday?”, I ask and I seriously hope that he isn’t because I really don’t need one more person being angry at me. The blonde smiles, “No, it’s fine. I guess, I have gone into it too straight.” I smile back at him, if you could even say that it’s a smile. I let myself lean onto the door frame, Niall stops close behind me and at the farthest end there comes Zayn, standing behind the blond boy. The younger of the two seems to tense a bit. What is even going on? To be honest, I don’t really care right now, I just want to know what is up with Harry and the concert. We’re all listening to Liam’s conversation on the phone with one of the bosses of Modest and personally, I, watch how his arm clings around the curly-haired boy. I grind on my teeth, I’m the only one to touch Harry... Oh dear, what am I even thinking? I broke up with him! _Louis, get that into your brain!_ But still, it doesn’t mean that it is okay with me.

“Yeah, alright.”, Liam mutters into the handset and I slightly rub my left arm. My eyes start to wander over to Harry and they seem to be stucked there. He looks awful. Well, I probably don’t look better. The curly-haired boy has dark shadows under his eyes, his lips are burst and his expression blank. He’s lightly breathing and right now I wish I could help him. But I can’t, though. The younger boy doesn’t even glimpse at me, not even for a second. I let out a long sigh and shift, this frame isn’t really comfortable but, since we are all in Liam’s small room, Harry sitting on the bed with Liam’s left arm wrapped around him; Niall sitting on the ground next to the dark, wooden commode and Zayn leaning on it, the only place for me is the seat at the door frame.   
“Of course. Right, we will do this.”, Liam mumbles again, “Alright, good-bye.”  We all look at him in expectation, waiting for him to finally say something. Liam frowns, pulling Harry into a hug, “Well.”, he starts, “We’re allowed to cancel the concert,” I just can feel that there’s a 'but’. “But that does mean that we will be doing three concerts and one interview next week. Stressful, but since Harry doesn’t feel well, we have to handle it like that.” Zayn and Niall nod, Harry doesn’t say a thing and I start chewing on my lip. Of course Management has a requirement. I shake my head, “M’ going back to my room, didn’t sleep well last night. See you later, guys.” And seriously, I want so bad to stalk over to Harry and give him a kiss. But instead of that, I just give him a short glance as the other boys wave at me and mumble their goodbye’s.

“I’m going too, wanna come with me, Niall?”, I hear Zayn say and he walks past me, Niall rushing behind him as he replies with a quick 'yes’. Turning my head around, I watch them close the door and walk into my own room. After closing the door, I let myself sit onto the bed and breathe a long breath in. I’m about to lay down when my phone starts vibrating. Groaning, I grab it from its place on the bed and my heart sinks as I see who is calling.  _Modest._

**-~-**

**Niall’s Pov.:**

I’m really wondering what is going on with Louis and Harry. Louis was just standing there the whole time, not even trying to comfort the other boy. “Whatcha thinking about?”, Zayn asks and I start biting my lower lip, “Harry and Louis.” The other boy puts on a frown, “Why?” “Didn’t you see how weird Louis has been earlier? He didn’t even hug Harry.”, I explain. “Oh. You’re right, that’s indeed strange.” “That’s what I’m talking about.”, I reply and try to hold back a yawn but, unfortunately fail. “Are you tired?”, Zayn asks and opens his arms. Letting my lips out from between my teeth, I roll over to him, laying into his arms. “You’re cute when you’re all sleepy.”, Zayn chuckles. “Why is everything I do...”, I yawn loudly, “...everything I do cute for you?” “Because it just is. Now sleep, I know you’re tired.”, the older boy says and I’m just about to sleep when a thought comes to my mind.

“Uh, Zayn?”, I whisper. “Yeah?”, he replies softly. “I know it sounds stupid but...you started smoking again. I’m not saying, you should stop. It’s just a sign that you’re stressed and next week will be even more stressful.”, Zayn interrupts me with his laughing, “Don’t worry, Niall. M’ fine, really.” I form my lips into a frown and Zayn starts playing with the peaks of my hair. “Don’t worry so much.”, he snickers. “Alright, sorry that I’m worried about my best mate, dickhead.”, I sass at him. “Are you mad at me?”, he asks and I roll my eyes. “Good night, Zayn.” The raven-haired boy stops stroking over my hair, “You are, aren’t you?” “I’m not a teenage girl, idiot.” “Alright, alright. Sleep well then, Ni.”, he whispers. I close my eyes when I feel how the older boy leaves  kiss on the top of my head, causing me to blush. I can literally feel how the scarlet spreads over my face. Stupid Zayn.

Once again, everything is silent and I wonder if it’s okay to snuggle into Zayn’s chest. But who cares? He’s my best friend. Yawning one last time, I breath out and feel the other boy’s arms tightening around me. The silence is somehow really beautiful. Only one thing is still clearly audible. The _Rain._   


	4. Happily Never After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Well. People have different reactions and ways to handle things. Maybe this is his reaction to the break-up?" Chewing on my lip, I mumble, "I thought about that too... But, I mean, c'mon, as if. Why should he? He doesn't even-" The brunette looks at me sternly, "Mr. Tomlinson, you know exactly what I think of that assertion." I roll my eyes. That's bullshit. "Can I ask you something?", she says, slightly smacking. "'Course.", I tell her and she wipes off her mouth with the red napkin, "Why do you think that he isn't in love with you?" I cough, slightly. That's a good question. "Uh, well," I start, "I just don't think he does, because... Let's be serious, he can have anyone in this world. And then it just so happens that he falls in love with me? Doubtful." "Not so, in my opinion.", the younger girl mumbles. "Ever thought about the fact that fate just wants you two to be together?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helloo! This is the last chapter. But currently, I started writing the sequel. So, yeah. Enjoy? And no hate! xx Oh and it's, like, quite long, but whatever.

** _ᴄнαρтєя 4: нαρριℓу иєνєя αfтєя_ **

 

 

****

 

**Niall’s PoV.:**

Slightly curling into myself, I feel light hands brushing over my waist. There’s shifting like someone is making themself comfortable and then a light snore comes from the person next to me. I grin wide as I turn around eventually and my eyes settle on the sleeping boy. Zayn’s back is facing me, his fingers wrapped around the blanket and his head buried deep into the fluffy, white pillow.  

Cocking one eyebrow, I raise my hand up and lead it next to the older boy’s cheek while I hold myself up on my left elbow. I poke his cheek. No reaction. I poke it again. Still no reaction. C’mon now! I do it again and again. Seven times altogether but, there’s still not even a stir of the dark-haired lad. I huff, annoyed of not only the fact that I woke up much too early, but also that I’m actually really bored. One last time, I push my index finger into the older’s cheek, nudging it harder than before. 

And finally, Zayn starts frowning, his beautifully formed eyebrows are nearing one another. Wait - _did I say beautifully?_

Shaking my head, I let a deep breath slip through my lips and as if on a cue, Zayn’s eyes flutter open, his lips are starting to part and a light sigh comes from them. 

"Zayn!", I call out, pushing myself up of the mattress and practically throwing my body onto the older bloke. Said boy groans loudly, squeezing his eyes shut again, "Ugh, can’t let me sleep, can you?" "Sorry, I was awake before you and then I heard you shifting," I mumble, "thought that you might as well wake up with me." "Yeah. That’s not what I supposed, though.", Zayn replies, looking at me as a grin appears on his face. "I’m sorry, mate." "S’alright, babe.", Zayn chuckles and I smirk wryly at him, "Did you just call me babe?" Zayn snickers, "Guess so. M’sorry," I shake my head at him as he starts closing his eyes again, "just really tired, you know." "Don’t you dare falling asleep again, twat!", I yell at him, now shoving my whole bodyweight onto the boy beneath me. 

"Niall, c’mon, buddy!", Zayn groans out, but I just let my head rest onto his heavy moving chest, my arms loosely laying next to my sides and my legs on either side of the older boy. Smirking, I look down at him, "I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over the ‘babe’." "You little shit!", Zayn says rather loudly, grinning wide and wiggling his eyebrows. Immediately, a slight blush finds its way on my face as I let myself think about what I thought about those _eyebrows._

"So, you want to lay here, but won’t let me sleep, am I right?", the dark-haired boy asks and I shrug, "Yup." "Oh well." 

I look at the older lad, following how he licks a shiny amount of saliva onto his lips and then his tongue is gone between his lips again. "You’re staring." "Shut up.", I say, lifting my body up and starting to turn away from Zayn. "Oh no!", Zayn chuckles, taking a quite firm grab of my left hip’s side and trying to pull me back, "You started cuddlin’! Now you have to pay for that!" The older boy pulls me harshly onto the mattress, pressing me down hard. "Zayn!", I laugh and with a few swiftly made movements, he’s on top of me, tickling the hell out of me. Loud laughs escape my lips as he keeps tickling me, "St-stop! Please!" "I wouldn’t dare!", Zayn smirks, doing the same movements as before only harder. "Please! Za-Zayn," I try to say between laughters, "stop! I beg you, stop!" 

And finally, Zayn starts pulling back, his smirk still splayed on his face. He lets himself fall forward, his body now hovering over mine and his lower lip settled between his teeth, "Fine." "Th-thanks.", I whisper, trying to move out from this slightly claustrophobic position, but he's much too close. _"Zee.."_ , I say again and he smirks, "Pshh.." "Uh, I think I heard steps from the door.", I quickly tell him and he cocks his left eyebrow. "I didn’t hear anything.", he replies softly, coming closer. I can feel his calm breath over my lips and for whatever reason, I start inhaling it. It smells a bit nasty but, nonetheless I can nearly _taste_ the smoke in it.  

Nervously, I start chewing on the insides of my cheeks, it’s starting to become one of my habits, I just know it. Zayn starts leaning in and my eyes flutter shut, everything just feels so good, so real, so _right._ But not new. I feel like I haven’t done this in years. Oh well, in fact, that is true.

Knock, knock.

"Mates?", asks a voice, less noisy because of the door. Liam.

"Indeed.", I look at Zayn, awkwardly.

Zayn groans loudly, "What?!" "It’s time to wake up, we have 3 o’clock.", Liam clears his throat, "At midday." I let a long sigh out, wondering that it isn’t as early as I thought and mumbling a ‘thanks god’ that is muffled by the other’s voice, "Coming!", Zayn exclaims, huffing and the way he turns his head back to face me, causes the blush on my face to spread even more.  

Zayn’s expression instead, is unreadable. He looks annoyed, but at the same time kinda nervous. "Where were we?", he smiles, leaning down again. My eyes widen immediately, "I don’t think I remember." And with a rapid motion, I uncage myself from the cage his arms had built around me, quickly sliding out between his body and the bed and slipping out of it. As my feet meet the wooden floor, a squeak comes from it and another knock arises. "Niall?", a thick British accent calls out. Louis. "Uh, y-yeah?", I reply and start walking to the door. "Can I talk to you for a second?", Louis asks again. I bite my lower lip, everything is better than being here with Zayn, "Sur-" "He’s there in a few.", Zayn interrupts me, jumping out of bed and walking next to me. "Hurry up!", Louis jokes as Zayn stops right in front of me. My breath hitches, Zayn is close. _Too close...._

"I don’t remember allowing you getting out of bed.", he whispers lowly into my ear, his lips brushing the outside of the shell. "Z-Zayn.", I whisper softly into the air, "Stop this. _Now._ ". The older boy growls. "We had this a-already.", I say again, trying to not only convince him, but myself as well, "W-we’ve been here before, for fuck’s sake!" And with a shove, I try to push him away. Once again, Zayn growls, holding my both wrists in his hands, one in each.

"Niall!", Louis yells from the other side of the door, "Hurry up, man. I don’t have all day." I can nearly swear that there’s something else in his voice, much more than just annoyance. 

With my turning head, Zayn takes the opportunity, his grin grows and his lips are suddenly pressed against my neck. There’s a sharp pain, it’s wet, although it feels like a quick prick, but there’s an _inviting_ pain too. Zayn’s tongue is roughly moving and licking about that special spot. He sucks on it, kissing hard and every now and then he flicks his tongue over it. Before I can even really cry out, the other boy is pulling away, biting onto my neck one last time. "Zayn...", I whisper out, grabbing with my left hand into his soft hair. With a light kiss on the slightly hurting spot, he fully steps back, looking straight into my eyes afterwards. The darker-skinned boy sighs loudly, biting his lip. Grinning, he shines his teeth at me and backs away from me. Turning around, he walks in front of the bed, going with his hand through his hair. With a shivering hand, _thanks to the aftereffects for this,_ I finally find the courage to touch the pulsing spot, freezing and gasping at the result. _Crap._ It’s a freaking lovebite.

**-~-**

**Louis’ PoV.:**

"Niall!", I shout this time, "Are you still alive or what in hell are you doing?!" The fuck is this kid doing?

There is a crack and finally the door opens, a pale Niall, staring at the ground, standing behind it. "Is there a reason why you’re having a big, fat lovebite on your neck?", I joke and he blushes a dark scarlet, eyes widening immediately. "Good morning to you too.", he murmurs. "Did I miss something?", I ask now, turning my head to the left to look if someone’s near us. "Uh, no. Why should you.", Niall whispers and I let out a huff. "Talking about necks. I got a strained neck from last night." Niall looks at me, eyes a bit red, "What did you do?" "Nothing, really.", I reply, "Guess, I just slept a bit odd." _Or didn’t sleep at all..._

The blond nods, turning his glance away from me.  

"What about we, uhm, just get over to my room?", I ask and he mumbles a ‘sure’. Alright, he’s being a bit unlikely today..

With loud steps, Niall’s dragging feet clearly standing out, we walk down the corridor. Should I really tell him? I mean, he already knows about mine and Harry’s relation ship. I have nothing to loose. Oh. Well. Not relation ship. I guess, you could call it ‘problem’? 

"Lou?", Niall’s accent is coming through, "What about you open that door, yeah?" I shake my head, "Oh, yeah, sure. Sorry, mate." Niall smiles lightly at me, "No worries."

I shove my slightly sweating hand into the pocket of my grey sweats and search for the key, finally finding it in one of the corners and pulling it out. With a few cracks, I open the door and walk in, Niall following behind me with a sigh.  

"Alright, now.", I start, sitting down on the bed, "What’s up, Niall?" The younger boy shrugs, "Don’t know whatcha mean." "What did ya wanna talk about?", he changes the topic and I stare at him in disbelief. Something’s _definitely_ up.  

"Some people are better at hiding there feelings than you.", I mumble as he lets himself fall onto the bed next to me. "What do you mean?", Niall asks, curiousness written in his facial features. I part my lips, my heart starts racing and I take a long breath in to calm the lump in my throat, "I broke up with Harry." The younger boy’s eyes nearly fall out of there sockets. "What?!", he gasps, blinking repeatedly. I bite my lip. Bad idea. I should have known. Niall clears his throat, "I’m sorry, Lou. Just...really shocked." It sounds more like a question, really. "Why..?", he asks now and I feel my eyes start to prickle. I swallow hard, trying to speak without crying. I never cried in front of any of the boys. Except Harry, of course. And I don’t feel like changing that.  

"Well," I start, "Harry and I had a bit of...an argument. It doesn’t matter." "Of course, it does." Of the corners of my eyes, I can see Niall chewing on his inner cheeks. "You don’t understand.", I growl at him, leaning back against the cold of the wall. "Then, if I don’t understand it, why are you telling me this, Louis?", Niall purses his lips. I huff, "I don’t know, alright! I don’t know, why I broke up with Harry; I don’t know, why I’m telling you this and I surely don’t know what to do now!" The blond-haired boy sighs, "Okay, now. That’s enough self-pity for today. You’re wallowing in it! I don’t need to know the reason why you did what you did." I frown at him, _what?_

"You love him, don’t you?", Niall asks, his voice now serious. I nod, of course, I love him... "Then maybe you should fight for him.", the other boy carries on, grabbing my left shoulder with his right hand.  "I don’t know, Niall...", I insert, biting my lip and moving slightly hither and thither on my seat on the bed. And I really don’t know.  

"I’m afraid..."  Afraid of _oh_ so fucking much. "Sometimes, you have to face your fears. Otherwise...," the blond sighs now, "...you won’t ever know if something good is gonna happen."

Somehow, Niall is, in fact, right. But there’s just so much to lose. Not that I didn’t already lose the best I ever had. But what if Harry doesn’t want me? I mean, _I_ broke up with _him._ He’s not that type of guy that would easily just crawl back under the covers with me. But I need him, I really do. This is just so unfair. I mean, even if he’d forgive me, we wouldn’t be allowed to be free. And that way, everything would be like before. At the beginning, nothing would really happen, we’d be happy. But after a while more and more arguing will arrive and there we go again.

A light squeeze on my shoulder brings me back to reality, "Think about it." Niall stands up and walks over to the door. "Oi, Niall!", I call out and he turns around, "Thank you." The blond smiles and faces the door again, now walking out of it. Who had thought that Niall would be so wise.

I _will_ think about it.

• • •

"LOUIS!", a girl on my left screams, "HERE! LOOK AT ME!"  

With a forced smile, I turn to face the girl with long, blond hair, my hand making wave-motions as she screams. Eleanor, next to me, grabs my hand and intwines our fingers. I turn around, looking at her. "Sorry..", she mumbles and tries to loosen her grip, but I hold it. "It’s alright," I mumble, "you have to do it."

With less slow steps, we keep walking and the younger girl clings a bit more to me. "I think we should talk.", she whispers into my ear as we walk through the door of the restaurant. I turn around, waving one last time. "About what?" Eleanor pulls me into the beige building, smiling at the fans, "About you and Harry, darling." I frown nervously, "What do you mean?" The brunette walks in front of me, her shoes cluttering on the grey, marble floor as she lets go of my hand. "Please, don’t make me feel like I’m stupid.", she complains, sticking her tongue out at me. I smile lightly at her as the garçon comes up to us. "Have you booked a table?", the slightly grey-haired man asks us and I nod, "Yeah. My name’s Tomlinson." "Oh, Mr.Tomlinson, Ms. Calder. We have a really nice seat for the two of you, reserved for special guests, of course." El and I nod our heads again and the younger girl rolls her eyes. "Would you like to follow me, please?", the waiter asks kindly and faces us as he starts walking. "Au naturel.", I grin and Eleanor cocks an eyebrow, "You can speak French? I’m impressed, Mister." I wink at her, "I remember some small things. And you knew that before, by the way." The brown-haired girl smirks, giggling.

The grey-haired man leads us to some kind of extra room at the back of the restaurant. It’s really stunning, but just too much. 

"This is your table, lady and gentleman. Take your time with choosing your meal.", the potman ribs me out of my scrutinizing of this restaurant and gently gives us our carte. I let myself down on the curry-red chair, in front of Eleanor as she does the same.

"This time, Modest really surpasses themselves. What’s this restaurant called again?", I ask, looking around at the crème-coloured walls with the much too cheesy tableau on them. "I dunno. What about the ‘i’m-kitschy-and-expensive’?", the brown-haired girl asks and taps on one of the meals on the menu, grinning expectantly at me. Said food is composed of a fish species I don’t even know and some freshly cooked potatoes with salad and god knows how many others garnishes. I crinkle my nose. "I think the ‘when-too-much-is-too-much’-salad tastes good.", I suggest, chuckling. El purses her lips and frowns lightly as she reads the description, "Sounds good."  

I look at her. She has red lipstick on and a tight, black dress. It’s short, but not too much and the lipstick really fits her. Added to that she wears black high heels. You know, I would never deny that she’s beautiful. She’s just not the right gender, I guess. I’m sure, I would be able to fall for her. If I wouldn’t be already in love with Harry. - _Maybe._

At the background I can see the garçon coming, tugging on his shirt as he walks up a few stairs. I wiggle my eyebrows at the girl, "Mr. Kiss-Ass is coming." Eleanor giggles at my comment and makes a declining gesture with her left hand to shush me.  

"Can I take your order, please?", the waiter asks gently and Eleanor starts talking. "What about you, sir?" "Uh, I take the marinated herring and sauté potatoes.", I reply, "And could you bring us some wine?" The older man nods, "What kind do you want?" "The best you have.", I wink and lick over my lips. Management is paying, anyways. Once again, the garçon nods and walks away.

"Now.", Eleanor starts, "What about you tell me the news?" I huff at her, "You have no idea." "Louis, I think you should tell me. Maybe I can help you?" "Ugh, please. You sound like my mum.", I whine and bend forward. The brunette does the same and takes my hand in the process, slightly stroking circles over it with her thumb. I rest my eyes on her hand. Her fingernails are lacquered in a deep red, fitting her lips. "Tell me, love.", she presses again, now softer than before and as I look up I can see her smiling. "Well," I sigh, "I told you about that problem Harry and I had the last time, right?" She nods, "If you mean that you felt like you’re his second choice, than yes." - "Uh, I-"

"Here’s your wine, best in town, definitely.", the garçon interrupts me, putting two glasses in front of our noses, "Your dinner will be there in a few." Eleanor rolls her eyes at the waiter as he walks away. "So much about Mr. Perfect." I chuckle, "Told you."

"Anyways, what did you want to say?", El smiles at me, entwining our fingers. "I..uh, well, I..broke up with Harry."   
The brunette's eyes widen immediately. "Oh."    
"Yeah...", I mumble and uncage my hand to lean back into the chair. "I didn’t expect that.", she says, "You were so full of love. Every time you spoke of him, you had this sparkle in your eyes. And now..." I sigh, looking down at the white table cloth, "I know. Now it’s over." "But it can’t be over just like that. I mean-" "You what, Eleanor? Don’t tell me that he loves me, because this isn’t true. At least, I don’t think he does.", I braze out. "Love, it’s obvious that he does.", she tells me, "Really." I bite my lower lip, "Why do you think that?" Eleanor laughs, "Louis! It’s the way he looks at you. The way he smiles when he talks about you or sees you. It’s the ‘Louis’-Smile." "The ‘Louis’-Smile?" The brunette smiles, "Yeah. It’s the same just when you talk about him, you have this little sparkling in your eyes. But instead, he has this smile on his face."  

I never noticed this, actually. But now.. She’s right. Wow, she is _really_ right.  

"Louis?", the girl in front of me asks, a sad smile on her face. I gulp, "Yeah?" "Why did you break up with him? And I mean for real."  A big sigh finds its way between my lips as I start playing with the table cloth. "I don't know. It just didn't feel right anymore. And also this 'beard-thingy'. It's not that I don't like you. Really, you're nice and everything, just.. You're not him, you know. I don't want to hide anymore, I don't want to lie anymore, I don't want this."  Eleanor sets her head at an angle so she can look me in the eyes.  "I can't live like that. It's not me who sits here. It's someone who may look like me, but I'm not the same. I've changed. I'm nervous and more pensive, not myself. But how can someone be surprised by that? My life changed. And I do not only mean the fans or the fame. I mean, people that showed me such truthfully, pure love; showed me kind of feelings I never knew existed or thought I would experience. And I mean people that are within my reach, but seem so fucking far. Damn it.. I don't wanna lose him. But I think, this time... It's really over."

And I'm crying. _Excellent._

"Oh, Lou.", El whispers, grabbing my hand again, "I know it's hard and I'm sorry that I agreed to this bloody, stupid thing. I never knew that you were so hurt. I mean, I knew, just, not _that_ much. How can I help you?" A tear rolls down my left cheek. That's why I don't talk about my feelings. "You can't.", I sob. Eleanor squeezes my hand again, "But I want to." I look up at her. She has tears in her eyes. "Oh, silly. Why are you even crying?", I joke, chuckling and nearly choking on my own spit. "Because I'm an emotional person! Let me be!", she laughs and right then the garçon shows up, walking again those stairs up with two big plates in both of his hands. Automatically, we pull back and my right hand finds its seat next to the cutlery on the table.

"Good appetite, I wish you two.", he says, smiling. "Thank you.", Eleanor replies and I try not look at the eldest, because I don't feel like showing him my tear-stained face. The waiter disappears again and there we are again. A fake couple sitting together at the table. Sighing, I start digging my fork into the potatoes and routing it in it. "And to your question before," Eleanor clears her throat, "the only thing I know about this restaurant, is that it's half Italian and half Spanish." "How do you know that?", I look at her, cocking one eyebrow. "It's written on the menu." Nodding my head, I continue what I was doing before, making circles, eights and hearts with my fork. Every now and then I pull myself together and shove some piece of herring into my mouth. Neither me, nor Eleanor are speaking at the process of 'eating'. Sometimes, I find myself watching her. Of course, she is beautiful. But just not the right one. She's a really nice friend and she understands my problems. She's not just a beard in my eyes. And I know that some fans _are_ hurting her. Not with saying that she's a beard, but with saying that she should die or that she is ugly. Some people just take the cake, really. I don't understand such people, how can someone say these things? I mean, yeah, Larry-Shippers are right, she is a beard. But that doesn't mean that she wants to hurt us or anything. She needs the money. Everyone needs a job and her job is sadly being my fake-girlfriend. Shit happens.

It feels like hours without anyone saying a word when Eleanor breaks the silence, "How did he react?" "Huh?" "Harry. How did he react?", she asks again. I shrug, "I don't know, actually. He didn't say anything. He looked like a statue, seriously, there wasn't a single expression on his face. And today morning, he was throwing up. We had to cancel the concert. Didn't you know that? I mean with the concert?" - "Of course I did," Eleanor shakes her head, "we have a date because of it. What I didn't know was that you cancelled it because of him." "What does that has to do with my problem with him?", I question and she frowns, "Well. People have different reactions and ways to handle things. Maybe this is his reaction to the break-up?" Chewing on my lip, I mumble, "I thought about that too... But, I mean, c'mon, as if. Why should he? He doesn't even-" The brunette looks at me sternly, "Mr. Tomlinson, you know exactly what I think of that assertion." I roll my eyes. That's bullshit. "Can I ask you something?", she says, slightly smacking. "'Course.", I tell her and she wipes off her mouth with the red napkin, "Why do you think that he isn't in love with you?" I cough, slightly. That's a good question. "Uh, well," I start, "I just don't think he does, because... Let's be serious, he can have anyone in this world. And then it just so happens that he falls in love with me? Doubtful." "Not so, in my opinion.", the younger girl mumbles. "What do you mean?" "Ever thought about the fact that fate just wants you two to be together? Have you heard of the saying: 'First time is an accident. Second time is coincidence. Third time is fate.'?", she asks and I shake my head, "Well. You two were at the same concert three years before One Direction. Sure, can be a nice accident. Next, you met at the XFactor's bathroom just a few hours before the band was put together. Second time is coincidence, right?" I look at her, a frown all over my face. What does she mean? "And finally, you were put together. Third time is fate.", she ends, taking a hold of her wineglass and sipping at it. "That's bullocks, alright. It doesn't mean anything.", I sass at her and she cocks an eyebrow, "If you think so. But you can't deny that you and Harry are soul mates. There will never be anyone more perfect, even if it's just friendship-wise, for Harry than you. And there will never be anyone more perfect for you than Harry. It just is how it is." Eleanor smiles. She knows she has me lost for words. "Did you ever consider fighting for him?"  

Oh dear. Why is everyone telling me to fight for him? Not that they are wrong, just- I don't even know. I roll my neck, causing it to crack and the stinging pain to assuage. Really, how did I lay last night?

"I did, Eleanor.", I finally tell her, "It's just not that easy, you know. Harry is not that type of guy that would easily forgive me and everything would be love, peace and harmony." "Maybe I can help you?", the brunette submits. "How can you help me?" "Don't know yet, but maybe I can think of something. I mean, if you want me to?", she smiles and drinks her last sip of wine. "I don't know, El...", I murmur. "Well, we can think of something together? You have to come to my flat, anyways.", she quickly says. My eyes widen, "Wait, what?" "Yeah, Modest! told me so. I got a call and they told me that you'd stay with me the night. So the fans will think we are spending all your free time together, you know.", she explains. I groan, drinking from my wine, "Oh, really. What a brilliant idea." "I know right.", she pouts, "But we might as well enjoy this, eh?" I nod. "We could watch some movie?" - "Which one?", I ask her, now finishing my own meal. Eleanor grins, "What about Legally Blonde? It's really funny!" "Isn't it that movie with this Barbie-looking blonde who is dumb, but isn't really?", I chuckle and she smirks, "Yeah, exactly!" "Sounds cool." "It is.", she winks, cheekily.

"Waiter!", I shout as I stand up and the garçon comes up to us, "How can I help you?" I smile gently at him, "My management is paying? I think they've told you that." "Yes, sir. That's right.", he replies, nodding. "Shall I accompany you to the door?", he asks now and I shake my head. "No, thank you.", I smile wryly, "My love?" Eleanor giggles, standing up, taking a hold of my arm and clinging onto me. "Hopefully, see you soon," the garçon says, "and have a nice day." "Thanks.", Eleanor replies, grinning and walking with me to the exit.

"You can be really arrogant sometimes, you know that?", the brunette jokes. "Some people told me so.", I laugh and again there are flash lights, blinding my view. Paparazzi really are dicks.

• • •

_Ninety one, ninety two, ninety three, ninety four, ninety five, ninety six, ninety seven, ninety eight, ninety nine, hundred._

Screw it.

Rolling onto the side, I squeeze my eyes shut even harder. This is really annoying the hell out of me. I can't even keep my eyes open, but every time I try to sleep - I fail. 

My neck is hurting like hell and there's just so much to think about right now. The white sofa I'm laying on, is actually quite comfortable, but I just can't sleep.  I blame Harry, really. A few tears show up in my eyes. This always happens. If only people knew how emotional I actually am, when I'm alone.    
Immediately, the vision of Harry comes to my mind. Harry is smiling, green eyes piercing me and this beautifully formed nose of his with those kissable lips. Ugh, how badly I want to kiss those pink lips. Only the memory of kissing him is making me happy, but at the same time sad.  

I remember our first kiss; it was awkward and just totally weird. Neither of us knew what we really had to do, we were at the dressing room, back then, on the XFactor. Harry had just told me that he was a bit bi-curious. I looked at him and said, "Are you for real?" And he was blushing like he just told me the biggest secret ever. I asked him why he didn't tell me earlier and he said that he didn't want to make things awkward between us, but he just needed to tell someone. I smiled at him and told him that he really didn't need to feel ashamed. But then an even bigger colour of scarlet spread on his cheeks and he looked into my eyes. I felt myself becoming nervous as I noticed how close we actually were. He was standing right in front of me, still looking at me with that little something in his eyes. I said his name as his green orbs started looking from my eyes to my lips and I couldn't help, but start biting the corner of my lips. "Can I try something?", he said then and I was too caught up with scrutinizing his beautiful face to answer as he started leaning in. I let a breath slip through my lips shortly before he finally connected our lips. And it really was awkward. We were just pressing our lips to one another, Harry's eyes closed and mine wide open at this unrealistic situation, because I really couldn't believe I was kissing Harry. And then the younger started moving, his cherry-red lips started at a slow pace as if he was waiting for me to join him and if he was afraid to run away. I started closing my eyes, thinking to myself 'fuck it' and started moving my own lips against his. The kiss continued being very slow when suddenly Harry started opening his mouth, slipping his tongue into mine and trying to just find some kind of connection. We started kissing each other hard and our tongues were dancing a tango with each other. As corny as it sounds.    
The curly-haired boy had his big hands now on my hips, pulling me more into his embrace and I just didn't know where I should put my own hands. So I made a try and seated my left hand onto his shoulder and the other one around his neck, stroking softly his hair there. Harry bit my lip and I made a keen noise which probably drove him crazy, because he started pushing his lower body parts onto mine and he started bucking forward, letting his hands slide downwards and grabbing my bum, harshly. Immediately, I jumped a bit and pulled at the little curls on his neck. Harry moaned, loudly. He pulled back and I opened my eyes to see a strand of saliva hanging between our mouths which disappeared when we pulled fully away.

And then it got awkward.

I still laugh innerly at the memory of me falling backwards into some box with feathers. Everything was flying just everywhere and Harry started laughing. It was _so_ embarassing.   
I sniff; that's how everything started. Sometimes I wonder if it had been better if he had never kissed me. But then again, I had such a beautiful time with him, even if it didn't last that long. When I think about it now, I have to admit that I've been a bit curious too, I just hadn't had the balls to tell Harry that.

And finally, I feel myself driving into sleep. The world around me starts becoming blurry and the ground under me is suddenly soft and feels a bit wet. "Lou!", I hear a low voice calling out, "C'mon, come with me!"    
I look around, now everything is just clear enough for me to recognize. Around me are flowers and grass (how ironic is that?), some trees as well and at the other side I can see Harry, waving at me, a big smile on his face. I smile back at him and start running over to him, nearly slipping because the lawn is still wet of what I suppose must be rain. "Hurry up!", Harry laughs, grinning. I shake my head at him, chuckling at his just as childish behavior as he always had. "Don't you dare run away!", I shout, laughing. And that's when I crash into something, causing me to fall back. "Ah, shit.", I cry out, holding my right hand against my forehead as I sit on my bum. Suddenly, the sky starts becoming dark and a few raindrops are falling from the clouds that suddenly appeared. "Louis..?", Harry's voice says again and he looks sad. I stand up once again and raise up a hand to look if there's some invisible tree I just walked in, but instead there is a wall. I start feeling with my hand over that wall, panicking now.    
"Louis, please! Why aren't you coming?", Harry cries out and tears start forming in his eyes, "Please, don't let me alone, Lou." "Harry, I'm here.", I say, but the younger boy looks around as if he is lost and alone. "Harry, look at me!", I shout now, hitting that invisible _something_ that is separating us. "Louis..." Harry is crying now, his eyes puffy and I feel myself tearing up. More rain is coming down, soaking my hair. It's now mixing with my salty tears as I keep on calling for Harry. "Please, Louis, don't let me go...", the pale boy whimpers and suddenly someone grips my shoulder from behind.  

"Louis, you will have a fake girlfriend.", I hear, but there is no one, just a hand pulling me back from my Harry. It's exactly what they said when I got Eleanor. Seven simple words. And they break my heart. Even more tears start running down my cheeks and now I'm not able to distinguish my tears from the rain. "You know, if you and Harry come out a lot of people will hate you.", I hear again, now louder than before. "No...", I cry, "Please, Harry.." Then another hand grabs my other shoulder. "Louis!", I hear a female voice, recognizing it as Eleanor's. "No! Go away!", I shout, ripping out of both grabs and running to where I guess Harry is. He's not there anymore. "Harry! Please, come back, please, Harry!", I yell, sobbing hard and I can't breath steadily. These hands are talking to me. I can fucking hear them!

"Louis! Louis, wake up! Wake up now!", I hear Eleanor shouting and suddenly everything around me is dark again. I feel myself falling to the ground and immediately pull my legs to my body, burying my face into my knees as hot tears are wetting my sweatpants. "Louis! Louis, what's the matter?", Eleanor asks and I hear her letting herself down on her knees as she strokes over my back. And I don't say anything. I just want my Harry back. It was the worst thing ever to break up with him! Yes, it just wasn't the same after three years, but I can't live without him! I need him! "Shh, Louis, it's alright.", the younger girl soothes me.

 I don't know how long we're sitting here, Eleanor's arms wrapped around me, whispering comforting words. And I'm just sitting here; I can't stop crying.    
Only now, I notice that I should actually be on my seat on the sofa, but instead I'm sitting on the floor next to the front door. I swallow a load of sobs, trying to find my voice which sounds higher than usual, "H-How did I came here?" "I guess you're sleepwalking, love.", Eleanor replies, stroking some strands of hair out of my face as I look up at her. I never sleepwalked before. Well, except of the time where my parents broke up, but that's another story. "Come, lets sit on the couch, yeah?" I nod at her, sniffing and trying to stand up on my now weak knees. She holds a helping hand out for me and I take it just to be nice. With a trembling hand I wipe away some tears off my face and gulping, I start following Eleanor to the couch. The brunette sits down at the edge and I let myself down next to her. 

It's quiet for a while, then the younger girl breaks the silent, "Do you want some tea?" I nod, too unsure what my voice would sound like and start chewing on my lip. She gets up and walks away with a sad smile on her face. I look around in the room, now bright light is shining and it's hurting my eyes, causing me to squeeze them shut. Again, some tears bubble out of the corners of my eyes and I hiccup.  I don't wanna lose Harry. I'm not strong enough to keep going without him. Why did I even break up with him? The reasons I had back then seem so irrelevant to me now. I broke up with him, because I didn't feel loved. Because I felt like he used me. Because we changed. Because I was afraid of what could happen to me.

I was so selfish.

A shiver runs down my spine and I realise that I have no shirt on. I always sleep shirtless and usually only in my boxers, but since I'm not at home or alone, I thought, I at least wear a pair of sweatpants. In a too quick motion, I stand up and my head starts spinning. I take a long breath in and walk over to where my clothes are, getting a random blue shirt and putting it on. I sigh, walking back to the white furniture, sitting down again.

 "Here, love, some chamomile tea.", Eleanor smiles as she walks in with a green cup in her hand. She gently gives me the cup and seats herself next to me. I start blowing into the cup, onto the steaming tea. "You wanna tell me what you dreamed of?", Eleanor suddenly asks and puts a hand in front of her mouth, yawning. I shake my head, _slowly._ The brunette sighs, "Alright, but if you want to talk, I'm always here for you." A smile finds its way onto my face, "I know, El. Thank you." The younger girl smiles back at me and right now, I'm happy I'm not alone. "Hey, what are friends for, huh?", she giggles and I nod. A long yawn escapes my lips, "I think it's better to just get some rest." "Are you sure you can sleep now?" - "Yeah, I feel actually quite exhausted right now.", I reply and she stands up again, "Okay. Don't forget to drink your tea!" I shake my head, taking a sip of said tea and she leans down to me, "Sleep well, okay? And do me a favor and don't wake the whole neighborhood, alright?" I chuckle, "Yeah, I'm sorry." Eleanor gives me a kiss on the forehead, waving at me and going into her bedroom.

I sigh. I'm really tired. I wish I would just forget about that dream, but it's not going out of my mind, really. Cracking my neck, I bend forward, putting the cup of tea on the small table next to the couch and stand up. Walking up to the light switch and turning the light off, I blink a few times, trying to clear my view and with slow steps I stalk over to the couch again, sitting down. I breath in, closing my eyes and letting myself lay down. The memories of the dream keep dancing in my mind. And without even knowing, I slip into a deep sleep. 

• • •

"So, you remember everything?", Eleanor asks me through the speaker and I nod, looking out of the car, "Yeah. But I'm nervous. Do you think this is a good idea?" "Of course, it is!", she chirps, "Now, get the party started and tell me everything about it!" I roll my eyes at her, "Yeah, yeah." "Anyways, gotta go, darling. Talk to you later.", she tells me and I cock an eyebrow, "Ha, yeah, kisses."  I hang up, shaking my head at the brunette's behavior. I take a deep breath in. Alright, it's easy; just a few steps.

When I'll get back to the hotel, I just need to find some time alone with Harry and talk to him. Ugh, okay, it really _isn't_ easy. I don't even know what I'm supposed to tell him! Oh god, he will probably shout at me. Well, first I need to find some time alone with him. Sounds like a good first step.  

The car stops in front of the hotel and I open the door. "Oi, Johnny, thanks man, see you later.", I call out to the driver as I step out of the grey jeep and he nods his head at me. With a gulp, I start walking into the white building, going some steps upwards as I smile kindly at the secretary. Walking down the familiar corridor, I see Niall and Liam talking to each other. Liam looking quite mad at me the moment he notices me and the blonde smiles wide, "Louis, hey!" I nod at the youngest as he pats me on the shoulder, "What's up, Niall?" Liam huffs and turns his back to me, starting to go downstairs. Niall purses his lips and rolls his eyes, "Sorry for him. He's just kinda annoyed at everyone today. Dunno what's gotten into him." "Well, no reason to ignore me.", I say and the blond shrugs, "Anyway. How was your date?" "Uh, okay, I guess. Do you know where Harry is?", I ask him and he grins, "You wanna talk to him?" - "I wouldn't be asking if not, would I?" Niall sticks his tongue out at me, "Whatever. He's in his room. At least he was when I talked to him." "You two talked?", I ask, cocking an eyebrow and the younger bloke nods, "Yeah. Nothing serious, just if he wanna talk about why he's upset and stuff." "Hm, okay. Did he say why?" "Well, he said he's just being a bit sick. But I don't really believe him that.", he replies and shrugs. "Anyways, I need to talk to him.", I say, biting my lip when a not so happy-looking Liam arrives next to me, "I don't think, he wants to see you." - "Sorry?" "You heard right, Louis.", Liam says, his face hard. I snort lightly after sharing a look with Niall who is now fiddling with his hands, "Why wouldn't he want to see me? I'm his best friend!" "I think we all know why.", Liam's voice is deathly cold as he looks me in the eyes, "Really. I think it's better if you just let him alone." "You're talking shit, Liam.", I roll my eyes and turn around, walking straight to Harry's hotel room. From the corners of my eyes, I can see Liam talking to Niall again. But this time Niall is looking quite mad at the brown-haired boy. I shake my head. Maybe Liam is right.. Ugh.

I take a deep breath in, gulping three times and finally bearing up. I knock at the black door; the noise now resounding in the whole hall. I feel a lump in my throat.

_I need to talk to Harry._

I don't know if it's to my relief, but no sound is coming from the other side of the door and I sigh. Maybe he isn't even in there? Well, then I can go. _Don't be silly, Louis. You're just being a chicken._

I knock again. There's rustling coming from the room and I crinkle my nose. Screw it.   
I wrap my right hand around the handle and push the door open. First of all my eyes land on the unmade bed and I'm about to breath a much needed gulp of air in, but in the next moment, it pauses and I cough, seeing Harry with his back facing me, looking out of the window. He wears a black pair of sweatpants and a grey t-shirt, his hair is sticking out in every direction, but he's still the most beautiful person I've ever seen. The younger boy turns around, his eyes widening immediately and my mouth parts as I see the sparkle in his eyes, which I loved so much, gone.  

"Louis?", I hear Harry's scratchy voice, but I can't do anything right now. I'm just standing there, trying to breath evenly. "What are you doing here?", he asks and I blink a few times. I'm amazed how he can still speak. "I...I wanted to talk to you...", I finally bring out and he laughs sadly, "Don't you think you already said enough just recently?" I gulp, because, in fact, he is right. I think, I already said enough. "I'm sorry, Harry..." "What does that do for me?", he asks and walks over to his bed, sitting down at the edge. "I-I just thought that, maybe-", I start, but Harry interrupts me harshly, "That what? That I would just come back? Why did you never tell me that you felt like that, Louis? I don't understand you." I bite my lower lip. "I was afraid you wouldn't want me." "And then you prefer just breaking up with me?", he asks, rather loudly and his voice is quite intimidating. "I thought you didn't love me..", I tell him, tears forming in my eyes. Harry sits there, lips parted, shaking his head. "You were my best friend, Lou. I thought you would know better about me.", he whispers and the fact that he called me by my nickname just breaks my heart, "Well, thank you. I guess, _I_ know better now." "Harry...", I sob, "Please.. It wasn't just you that made me make this stupid decision." "Really?", the curly-haired boy asks with irony, rolling his eyes, but I decide to just ignore it. "I..I couldn't lie anymore. I couldn't hide anymore." - "We both knew about the consequences, when we signed the contract. Do you think it wasn't hard for me?", Harry snaps at me and I start walking over to him. "I just..." - "You just don't care about anyone but yourself, Louis. That's the problem, you're selfish.", he hisses.

Well, that hurt.

Tears are running down my cheeks now, "Harry..I never meant to hurt you." I reach out for his hand but he pulls away, "Don't touch me." "I'm sorry, Harry.", I whisper and he sighs, "You know what? I wanted to tell you all my secrets. But you became one instead. And now, I don't even know what we are now. Are we friends? Are we lovers? Why did you break up, Lou, why?" A tear runs down his left cheek and I whimper. "I don't know. I thought you didn't love me anymore. You were so different, lately." Harry shakes his head, his curls bouncing at the process, "No. You changed. You became quieter, thoughtful, not yourself. I tried to get the old Louis back, but I didn't manage to do it. Why _did_ you change? I guess, I'll never know."

It hurts so much hearing this. It hurts so fucking much. Not because it's a lie, but because it is true. I changed. I don't even know why; I just did. I try to say something, _anything_ , but I can't. I don't know what to say. Everything he says is right and I don't know how I can fix that.  

"I wanted to protect you.", I cry out suddenly and the younger frowns, "From what?!" "I thought maybe you didn't want to be with me anymore. I thought you'd like to go out with some girl and show the world the one you love. I didn't want you to be hurt, because it just wasn't the same after three years.", I whisper and lick over my lip as if trying to make it more credible. "You're stupid thinking this, Louis. I never wanted anyone but you. I thought we could go through all of this together, but I was wrong. Isn't that what you said to me? Well, maybe you're right.", the dark-haired boy says and wipes a tear on his right cheek away, "And maybe it's all my fault, just like you said." "I never said that.", I protest. "It seemed like it." I shake my head, "No... Please, I don't wanna lose you." " _You_ don't want to lose _me_? I'm sorry, but I don't believe you.", he gives a false laugh. "I know... Just.. Give me one chance.", I try to convince him, swallowing a bit of spit. "To see you sad? No, thank you, Louis. I know you're not happy with me. I don't want you to fake it, just in case that I'll be sad.", he replies and my eyes widen immediately. "What? That's not true!" - "Whatever." "No, Harry, please. You're thinking wrong.", I cry out and he chews on his lips, "Now it makes all sense, you know. _You_ don't love me anymore. Because anything else just doesn't. Just excuses." I shake my head, furiously, "That's not true! Harry, stop thinking such things." Harry's tears are running down his cheeks, "The first kiss, the weeks, months, years we spent together. Do they all count for nothing?" "I-I don't know what to say...", I whimper and he chuckles sad, "Then don't say anything. Just go. It's not like we're getting back together or anything." - "H-Harry, please." _"Go.",_ he says, his voice now dead serious and demanding. I look down at him, his tears now starting to dry on his pale cheeks. With hesitation I step away, turning around and gulp. I walk out of the room, closing the door behind me, my vision fuzzy because of all the tears. One hot tear runs down my left cheek now, and I start thinking about why I didn't just tell Harry the truth. But I can't tell him why. He wouldn't understand.

Memories are flowing into my brain. Memories like our first date. The first time we shared our 'I-love-you's. The time when Harry comforted me when I got Eleanor. And how strong he was when he had to hang up with Taylor, even though I could clearly see through his fake-smile. Memories, that are making it even harder.

 At the back of the corridor, an unclear Niall is standing, looking at me. I can see him coming up to me, worry in his voice, "Louis? What happened?" More tears are falling; more self-pity arriving. I can't say anything. But I think, three little words are enough to explain.  

_"Happily Never After."_


End file.
